I am in that place again. God always does this to me. He has this way of making me realize that I am not living for him and rather than push me too, it depresses me really. I turned down a job this week that would have given me more pay. I just didn't feel like that timing was right to do it. I am swearing off girls for awhile, but it still hurts to see hot ones running around all over. I went to Icthus tonight and it put me in that place. I see all these girls everywhere and all I wanted to do was go home and sit in my room alone where they can't get to me. It is sad really, how did it even come to this? I lack any sort of drive. I know that I have it at least temporarily, but all it seems to accomplish is mpping the floor or making stir-fry. maybe I need one of those Tony Little, Tony Robbins sort of guys to instill alittle pep into me and give me a bit of joy to move out and build on those small opportunities I get. Right now it just seems like I crush them all right when they get at my feet. I can't understand it either, everyone around me is moving forward andI am just sitting here and blogging, my God. Why can't a girl just come along and pull my head above water and show me that there is nothing to worry about . I can't even decide where I want to live after the Ratsnest. Maybe I should just man up and live with Adam, at least that would be a temporary thing that I could build on. Marty doesn't seem to be bringing much jump my way and Ryan is just hell-bend on a decent career. Ryan will make it and it will just bring me down to see him suceed. Isn't that wierd? Screw it all, in 6 months who knows I will probably move in with Matt W. and work at Fridays or something til I reach a real breaking point. I may even stop talking to every single person I kow and love in order to gain some sort of emotional clarity. BLAH