Ok. I just watched my all time favorite movie. Well maybe not my favorite, but The Breakfast Club has probably had more profound an effect on me than any other movie in the history of movies. Plus I have seen it hundreds of times.

My point is that it once again as taken me into its grip and helped me realize that not everyone functions under the same set of ideals. Of course I knew this, but people tend to forget.

Between my lack of employment ( I am now alone in this fact; Matt has a good job now) and my on again, off again luck with girls, I still find myself with little to no direction in my life. A sentiment that I have been echoing for years.

I want to work, I want to give my heart and soul to something just to bring home a paycheck. I have always felt a sort of pride in my series of menial jobs. I am just a bit scared that the next one won't be good enough. I don't ask for much I just want to stay a float and right now I am sinking. Nothing new here.

On the dating front, it becomes difficult to treat girls the way I want to treat them without a job. I have found Sarah B. again through a few friends and we have shared a casual moment that has escalated in my head seemingly from the fact that I don't kiss a girl but once every few years. I know what I have with her is casual, but I am holding it up much higher. The same goes For Rachel. She is terminally involved with her boyfriend and even while I have only spent one night, a few hours with her, I would take her to the ends of the earth to be with her. It is true I am a dreamer and the slightest emotional attachment gets blown out of proportion in my head. I'd like to think that this makes me happy, but sometimes I know it just hurts me in the long run.

Truly I don't know where my life is headed. part of me wants to just run away, but would that be the mature thing to do? I don't need to be here and the kindness of my friends is what keeps me here. I am loyal and poor.

I guess I wouldn't change much about my life at this point, my I am constantly looking for the easy way to the top. I don't have the drive that is required to make it in film, I think I know that. Without it I might as well settle in a custodial position at some elementary school or financial firm where I would just go unnoticed. I sort of do want to be alone, but I can't make it on my own right now. I don't know what to do....