Today I have the sneaking suspicion that I can control my own fate. Should I call the girl, write a movie, touch someone's life? It is all at my fingertips and at the end of the day when I find that I have done none of these things and sat around wallowing in my laziness, well I guess that is of my own doing as well, of course. How do you move from thinking about every single detail of your life and how wondering where this decision will differ from the next, to actually jumping out of bed and managing to act out every fleeting idea that flutters past your little mind? I think the answer lies in the happiness of your soul and the movement to put away all the fear that we were raised up in. At some point it was put in my head that I can't do this. I will have to deal with embarassment and ridicule if I even attempt to do things. This is wrong and deep down I know that I will only see a greater respect, but then why do I still sit still? WHY? It is like I have been shot with a poison-tipped dart and now I find myself lying awkwardly on the ground paralysed and waiting to die. That my friends is a super sad image. sigh. shit. music is the only thing that keeps me from just crying and crying like James Lipton when moved by some lame movie he just saw.


Sig, Ian