I am going to try to get Rock Over London to play with Wesley Willis in Springfield, MO

I am home alone. I figure I have this fancy new BLog and a brain to match so I might as well wirte on it. I do fear that i may be spending too much time on the computer, but I never really do anything on here, surf the same 5 web pages and then look at my own. Lame lame lame. At any rate I am still up in arms about my current living situation. I just don't want to be stuck here all the time. I think that if I moved to a larger city there would be more things to do, but the truth is that i would probably still sit at home and watch Tv b/c I have no money. Right now i want to leave and go do something, but I have no grip andI am kinda hoping abbey will call me tonite. If she doens't I will understand. She might come in from KC late and have to sleep so she can work tommorow. I don'twork til 4 tommorow so tonite seems like a good time to see her, if not then I may invite her over Wed and cook for her and see what happens. lately I have been trying to get a hold of Alice 95.5 to see if they will play "Rockin the Suburbs" on their station, but the number i found just keeps ringing and ringing. jerks.

Well today marks the day of my new Blog template. Put together by the wonderful Kristen over at Immabrat.com. It looks great. Now if I can just get more folks to read it....I am working on that though. Today iwork 8hrs and really don't feel like it. I slept from eyes shut to alarm without interuption. So why am I up now? I could have slept the day away and been none the wiser.At any rate Today is Sunday and I will hopefully see abbey. If I do I hope that it works out well. I gave her the link to this Blog, I wonder if she read any of it? And what did she think? By the way, Cozmo got quite the haircut the other day, he looks funny. I pray that it grows back soon.

Well there seems to be something brewing in the Ian Camp. Nothing of noble worth, but I suppose it is worth mentioning. This past week was not exactly the thrill ride I am sure you are imagining. I had three days off in light of the cancelled plans with Evans. This was to be expected in my heart of hearts, but that is cool. Instead I spent a great deal of time sleeping and when possible spending time Candice. I went to see her at work once to past the time and a second time to take Cozmo aka Spawn of Satan to get some shots and a haircut. Both times I discovered a dead cat. So it seems the Grim Reaper is on my side. In what Capacity I don't even want to begin to know. I talked to Abbey after what seemed like an eternity and was more pleasurable than I could imagine. I like her a great deal. She is full of life. Tonight Candice, Jake and I went to see A Knight's Tale tonight. A guilty pleasure I finally took in. It was great entertianment. It had this underlying theme of The Poor kid does good. this provides great hope for a street rat like myself. And with that said I will be off, but will hopefully get the chance to add more to this tale tonight, or if not in the morning. G'day.

I decided this evening that I am living in a fairy tale without the happy ending. Well basically without the climax, the beginning or the happy ending. I am living my life day to day trying not to let things like bills or how well my car runs get to me. I try not to let the fact that Ginny the one girl I thought I could love whole heartedly doesn't want me. Through all this and probably a million other things that seem petty to everyone but me I have endured somehow. I manage a smile on my face, partly becasue I know deep down I know lots of other people have it worse than me. I am just an ordinary guy, and all I want is to be loved, is that so wrong? I read my horoscope, I drink chocolate milk, I hate money but could use more of it. I want to fly away to a distant country at a moments notice, I want to spend a weekend in Vegas. But, it seems, God doesn't have these things in my plan. There is a sinking feeling in my chest when I think about all this. I am utterly alone with this on my mind. It could drive someone nuts. But not me, I take it as it comes. I buy things I can't afford, I consider crying myself to sleep, but then decide that the depression that goes along with it is too much for even me to handle. My mother told me once shortly after my parents decided to separate and she revealed to me that her grandfather had abused her, it was a rather intimate setting just me and her on my bed, she told me never under any circumstance to bottle things in. This perhaps lead me to become a writer, spilling important facts about my life on paper. I try to share my feelings, and sometimes I feel I do it too often. At any rate, I have grown in the person I am today. I am nerotic, selfish at times, giving at other times, I have sincere feelings for dozens of people and I don't see myself changing. I may be insecure, I may even be fleetingly hopeless at times, but I take everyday as it comes and let things lie. I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect, I have problems. It keeps me original, keeps me on my toes. Without struggle what do we have? I have a pit, a void within me that needs to be filled wants to be filled, but alas I don't know the first thing to do to fill it.

I am finally Blogging after several days in Kansas City. My time is limited b/c I haveto work in fifteen minutes. One of those Magazine contest reminiscent of the california girl. He talked my ear off for ten minutes leaving me little time to write all sorts of interesting things. Things about Gin. The short abbreviated version is that she wants to be "just friends" and she tells me this after I come across perhaps a bit stronger than I would have imagined. As a result our special day on the 18th has been reduced to a faint memory. You guessed it, she cancelled on me for fear that she was sending the wrong signals, in my opinion, she was. The Warped tour broke my pocket book so to speak, but it was a good experience in the hot blistering sun. The Vandals and Less Than Jake took the show in my eyes. I loved it. My brother spent this past week in springfield with me and while I suspect he was bored alot, it was nice to see him. I let him drive my car nearly every chance I got. I think he enjoyed that. The St. Louis Blues have been making several key line changes including trading Turek, losing Turgeon, and adding Mike Keane and Doug Weight. I haven't talked to Abbey in about a week and a half. She is currently in STL for a roommates wedding. Which reminds me that Gin and I went to the wedding of the lovely Becky Larson who was present at the downfall of Gin and I's relationship. Ironic isn't it? I guess Gin is on the brain this week, but Laurel came over last night and provided a new perspective on the whole thing plus provided much needed cuddling time as we watched "When Harry met Sally" a fine fine film. Well I do have tons more to say, but Osco beckons and I will leave you with this. I saw on TV the other day that a 7-time Tennis champion designed a new GOLF driver that could hitter balls further and consistantly every time. He is a Tennis pro, does anyone else see a problem here?? Thanx for listening.

Well I asked Abbey if she wanted to come over and watch a movie with me. She said she was gonna be busy doing laundry and doing a lesson plan for tommorow. I hope this isn't a sign that she isn't interested. Of course I could be thinking way too far into this. I now know where I stand with Gin. We are destined to be just friends it looks like. While she is thrilled at the idea of being with a guy "like" me, she is still emotionally scarred by her situation as a single mom. I can understand this. Thus I am going ot be single for awhile longer. Sorry to all two of you that read this for always and only writing about women (who I secretly still consider girls.) On a different subject, Mark at Osco offered me the postion of Automotive Departmetn Head. I turned it down. It reminds me of 1Potato2 when i turned down the assistant mangers job. I must have a responsibility phobia. I just feel uncomfortable having people rely on me when i know I will not always wrok there. besides the pay at Osco sucks anyways and any extra responsibility won't make my pay checks bigger. Am I thinking like a sane human being? Let me know, email me.

I opened a fortune cookie today. It read "A thrilling time is in your immediate future." This is something I look forward to. Yesterday I was with Abbey. It was nice. I am slowly allowing her to see what a wonderful person I can be when i am with her. I took her to one of those paint your own pottery places. She told me that she thought it was fun. I think the fact that I wouldn't tell her where we were going until we got their impressed her. The rest of the evening was spent with her roommate. Althoguh it was quite uneventful after the pottery place, I still loved being close to her. She looked great too. I really hope that she doesn't just want to be my friend, she seems to be turned off by guys, most of the girls i like are like that. I just hope that it isn't a vibe to tell just me that she isn't interested. We shall see. I can make her laugh and we joke around, i just want to be with her, you know? As for Gin. well she has yet to respond to my poerty email. I am still up in the air about where I stand with her too. It is weird to see myself with her again. I am just confused, but I figure either way I have nothing to lose, right??

I have been a Ben Folds Five fan since before underground hit in 1995. I have followed the band ever since. When I heard about Rockin from the Suburbs, I wasn't sure what to expect from Ben. I downloaded the songs from AudioGalaxy tonight and holy crap! It was far easier to get the tracks from the album than to get on this message board. This is far better than I imagined. It is charged like the self-titled ben folds five with some electronica. It is this fantastic hybrid of ben folds five and frickin' techno, I can't pull myself away. I hope everyone goes out and buys this album. Also Abbey came over the other night to help me paint my room burgandy. I really enjoy her compnay and I think she is beginning to see just how wonderful I am.

I hung out with Abbey last nite. It was very low key. We just sat on her couch and watched my movies and then alittle VH1. I think we clicked rather well but there were still some akward silences. I also feel reasonably comfortable with her roommates. She thinks that guys are bastards, but it kinda works out b/c in "Guys like us" I call women vicous and dangerous. I think she realizes that her and I have alot in common. I am hoping she will get to help me paint prob tommorow. who knows how that will work out. I like her fairly well, maybe not as much as b/f but it is still significant. I have to work in 20 min. I should prob go get ready.

"It was around five o'clock when he decided it was time to get up off his lazy ass a make a difference in this world. Where would he start? He could probably get away with the petty amusement of pointing out the shortcomings of others to enlighten them into changing while at the same time giving him a thrill only those with few morals could possibly understand. He wanted to do more though. He had wasted the years previous and was tired of living such a dull existence. Perhaps he could rasie awareness of some cause by holding a fundrasier. That however would required advanced planning of which he had none. What he needed to do was to make a difference tonight, quick and painless. He would call one person and pour his heart out to her. That, maybe, just maybe would do the trick. Probably not."

Well Today I tried to hang the dry erase board at our house. I was on the only chair in the house, a rolling chair, on our hard wood floors and darn near killed myself. I sent Ginny four of my poems that included her as inspiration. After sending them i decided that a few of them came across as negative. And maybe they are, but it doesn't mean i love her any less. I wish I could tell if she had some feelings for me too. I am cursed bby the fact that I can't tell when a girl (woman) is vibing me. Take Abbeyfor example, I probably pushed her away by not making a move. Dating is so hard. I do look forward to Gin and I's surprise evening on July 18th. I really hope it is just me and her. depending on how well things go til then I may tell her how I am feeling. Blah Blah. Jake doesn't make a very good room mate right now. He seems so inconsiderate and sorta selfish. I mean he bought milk and drank it all himself. That makes me mad b/c I bought more today and I know he will drink more than half of it. but I suppose that is what I am here on earth for. To be a giving person. I love to a fault.

I have so much to say, but I am tired and I promise I will write all about it in the morning

Well it is official. My Roommates and I have finally moved into the aptly named Rat's Nest. For the past three days we have begun the exhustive process of "remodeling" if you will. We cleaned like you wouldn't believe. It is funny to think just how much nicer this place looks when you just dust a few things off. Yesterday we started the tricky task of painting the upstairs. I must say the living room looks great adn t he bathroom is getting there. I have tried my hand at spackling and it isn't so bad. As far as my attitude towards the place now, it does need some work, but it is livable. I do have a feeling that the kitchen is going to be a constant source of irritation for me. The timely washing of dishes especially. 1131 aside, I must talk about girls. Abbey is still a weekly phone call and that pisses me off but it is a case of out of sight out of mind. Ginny on the otehr hand has such a great image of me and is so excited to see me when we talk on the phone that i am afraid to let her down. lately my life is anything short of boring and I never have anything to talk about with her. She is definately living a different life than I am. I guess I will see how it goes this weekend before I make any rash decisions concerning our relationship, if we have relationship at all.....