Well I asked Abbey if she wanted to come over and watch a movie with me. She said she was gonna be busy doing laundry and doing a lesson plan for tommorow. I hope this isn't a sign that she isn't interested. Of course I could be thinking way too far into this. I now know where I stand with Gin. We are destined to be just friends it looks like. While she is thrilled at the idea of being with a guy "like" me, she is still emotionally scarred by her situation as a single mom. I can understand this. Thus I am going ot be single for awhile longer. Sorry to all two of you that read this for always and only writing about women (who I secretly still consider girls.) On a different subject, Mark at Osco offered me the postion of Automotive Departmetn Head. I turned it down. It reminds me of 1Potato2 when i turned down the assistant mangers job. I must have a responsibility phobia. I just feel uncomfortable having people rely on me when i know I will not always wrok there. besides the pay at Osco sucks anyways and any extra responsibility won't make my pay checks bigger. Am I thinking like a sane human being? Let me know, email me.

I opened a fortune cookie today. It read "A thrilling time is in your immediate future." This is something I look forward to. Yesterday I was with Abbey. It was nice. I am slowly allowing her to see what a wonderful person I can be when i am with her. I took her to one of those paint your own pottery places. She told me that she thought it was fun. I think the fact that I wouldn't tell her where we were going until we got their impressed her. The rest of the evening was spent with her roommate. Althoguh it was quite uneventful after the pottery place, I still loved being close to her. She looked great too. I really hope that she doesn't just want to be my friend, she seems to be turned off by guys, most of the girls i like are like that. I just hope that it isn't a vibe to tell just me that she isn't interested. We shall see. I can make her laugh and we joke around, i just want to be with her, you know? As for Gin. well she has yet to respond to my poerty email. I am still up in the air about where I stand with her too. It is weird to see myself with her again. I am just confused, but I figure either way I have nothing to lose, right??

I have been a Ben Folds Five fan since before underground hit in 1995. I have followed the band ever since. When I heard about Rockin from the Suburbs, I wasn't sure what to expect from Ben. I downloaded the songs from AudioGalaxy tonight and holy crap! It was far easier to get the tracks from the album than to get on this message board. This is far better than I imagined. It is charged like the self-titled ben folds five with some electronica. It is this fantastic hybrid of ben folds five and frickin' techno, I can't pull myself away. I hope everyone goes out and buys this album. Also Abbey came over the other night to help me paint my room burgandy. I really enjoy her compnay and I think she is beginning to see just how wonderful I am.

I hung out with Abbey last nite. It was very low key. We just sat on her couch and watched my movies and then alittle VH1. I think we clicked rather well but there were still some akward silences. I also feel reasonably comfortable with her roommates. She thinks that guys are bastards, but it kinda works out b/c in "Guys like us" I call women vicous and dangerous. I think she realizes that her and I have alot in common. I am hoping she will get to help me paint prob tommorow. who knows how that will work out. I like her fairly well, maybe not as much as b/f but it is still significant. I have to work in 20 min. I should prob go get ready.

"It was around five o'clock when he decided it was time to get up off his lazy ass a make a difference in this world. Where would he start? He could probably get away with the petty amusement of pointing out the shortcomings of others to enlighten them into changing while at the same time giving him a thrill only those with few morals could possibly understand. He wanted to do more though. He had wasted the years previous and was tired of living such a dull existence. Perhaps he could rasie awareness of some cause by holding a fundrasier. That however would required advanced planning of which he had none. What he needed to do was to make a difference tonight, quick and painless. He would call one person and pour his heart out to her. That, maybe, just maybe would do the trick. Probably not."

Well Today I tried to hang the dry erase board at our house. I was on the only chair in the house, a rolling chair, on our hard wood floors and darn near killed myself. I sent Ginny four of my poems that included her as inspiration. After sending them i decided that a few of them came across as negative. And maybe they are, but it doesn't mean i love her any less. I wish I could tell if she had some feelings for me too. I am cursed bby the fact that I can't tell when a girl (woman) is vibing me. Take Abbeyfor example, I probably pushed her away by not making a move. Dating is so hard. I do look forward to Gin and I's surprise evening on July 18th. I really hope it is just me and her. depending on how well things go til then I may tell her how I am feeling. Blah Blah. Jake doesn't make a very good room mate right now. He seems so inconsiderate and sorta selfish. I mean he bought milk and drank it all himself. That makes me mad b/c I bought more today and I know he will drink more than half of it. but I suppose that is what I am here on earth for. To be a giving person. I love to a fault.

I have so much to say, but I am tired and I promise I will write all about it in the morning

Well it is official. My Roommates and I have finally moved into the aptly named Rat's Nest. For the past three days we have begun the exhustive process of "remodeling" if you will. We cleaned like you wouldn't believe. It is funny to think just how much nicer this place looks when you just dust a few things off. Yesterday we started the tricky task of painting the upstairs. I must say the living room looks great adn t he bathroom is getting there. I have tried my hand at spackling and it isn't so bad. As far as my attitude towards the place now, it does need some work, but it is livable. I do have a feeling that the kitchen is going to be a constant source of irritation for me. The timely washing of dishes especially. 1131 aside, I must talk about girls. Abbey is still a weekly phone call and that pisses me off but it is a case of out of sight out of mind. Ginny on the otehr hand has such a great image of me and is so excited to see me when we talk on the phone that i am afraid to let her down. lately my life is anything short of boring and I never have anything to talk about with her. She is definately living a different life than I am. I guess I will see how it goes this weekend before I make any rash decisions concerning our relationship, if we have relationship at all.....

Welcome to my Rant. I have been thinking about alot of things lately and it is sometimes hard to figure stuff out unless I write it down. Normally I write things that noone ever reads, but I figure this is the same thing. For starters I think I have learned to appreciate my days off. And even though the pessimist inside of me says that it is just a day w/o pay (which as a 20 yr old is unsettling), But I am going to do way funner things as my days off are becoming few and far between this summer. I am preparing to move into 1131 in like two weeks and it is already stressful, I can really vocalize any specific reason, but my acne is acting up. Today I got a MANicure and I am pleasantly surprised at the results. It kind of makes me a bit more confident. If my mom still thinks I am gay I am sure this will reinforce her 1950s ideals. I am a striaght man, but I a m shy and am not sure how to make the first move. That is for the record books. Alright maybe I am a bit sensitive, but damn I have alot of time to think about crap like appreicating women. Jake moved in with us and so far it is nice b/c he seems to always want to go out and do things. A pleasant change of pace. Plus he still likes to watch blind date with the guys and that rules. By the way the St. Louis Blues lost their series v. the Avs but at least that means I won't be writing about them for awhile. The abbey situation is as follows. I called her, she told me that she had Mono and Strep. I think that sux, I probably won't seeing her for awhile and that makes me sad. I got a shiny new manicure to show off to her (j/k)

Well today in my life things have settled down I think. I worked eight hours today, but now I am going to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the night. The weekend was pretty cool, A group of us went to Ryan's Lake house. It probably wasn't as fun as last time b/c I didn't sleep with a girl :) but Marty and Joel went and that was cool. The Blues dropped the first game in their series against the Avs, but I am sure they will bounce back. I am moving into 1131 in 2 week! can you imagine, i will be in the rat's nest very soon. One thing about moving into the house is that Ryan, Matt and I will be picking up a new roommate. His name is Jake. I am responsible for bringing him into our circle of friends (if you can call it that) and he is pretty cool. The one thing that bothers me is that Kara has decided to date him. This really bothers me for some reason. I think I am jealous of the fact that Kara was never so affectionate towards me as he is with him. Sometimes, like at the lakehouse this week, I couldn't stand to be in the same room as them b/c of the P.D.A. I guess I am being childish b/c she never was my girlfriend. I don't even think it would be a good idea for me to date her and she annoys me from time to time, but it bothers me just the same. Aside from that I talked to Abbey last night. I am still deciding what she thinks about me. She seems happy to talk to me, but we never hang out and she hasn't called me on her own that i can remember. She mentioned taking a painting class this summer and I may take it with her. I hope I do then I can talk to her more. Thanks for reading if you read at all.

Well today in my life things have settled down I think. I worked eight hours today, but now I am going to do absolutely nothing for the rest of the night. The weekend was pretty cool, A group of us went to Ryan's Lake house. It probably wasn't as fun as last time b/c I didn't sleep with a girl :) but Marty and Joel went and that was cool. The Blues dropped the first game in their series against the Avs, but I am sure they will bounce back. I am moving into 1131 in 2 week! can you imagine, i will be in the rat's nest very soon. One thing about moving into the house is that Ryan, Matt and I will be picking up a new roommate. His name is Jake. I am responsible for bringing him into our circle of friends (if you can call it that) and he is pretty cool. The one thing that bothers me is that Kara has decided to date him. This really bothers me for some reason. I think I am jealous of the fact that Kara was never so affectionate towards me as he is with him. Sometimes, like at the lakehouse this week, I couldn't stand to be in the same room as them b/c of the P.D.A. I guess I am being childish b/c she never was my girlfriend. I don't even think it would be a good idea for me to date her and she annoys me from time to time, but it bothers me just the same. Aside from that I talked to Abbey last night. I am still deciding what she thinks about me. She seems happy to talk to me, but we never hang out and she hasn't called me on her own that i can remember. She mentioned taking a painting class this summer and I may take it with her. I hope I do then I can talk to her more. Thanks for reading if you read at all.

I am sure you are concerned about my well being, but the truth is things came up and i have been busy. to recap the weekend, the BLues swept the Dallas Stars in the Playoffs second round. All my friends generally got drunk this weekend for the Cinco De Mayo celebrations. I was sick. Next weeek is finals weeek and the summer will finally start. Matt Wilson already started his summer. He called me today from Indiana. He was on his way Virginia for the summer to work at Busch Gardens.

So the Blues took a 3-0 lead in the second round of the playoffs. Hopefully they will sweep so I can take some time off from watching the TV all the time. I am sitting in Matt's Room right now with a host of friends being loud and having intersting conversations about an upcoming Cinco De Mayo celebration. I am glad we are still young enough to have fun. I however, do have to wrok in one hor :( Hey we all make sacrifices.

So the Blues took a 3-0 lead in the second round of the playoffs. Hopefully they will sweep so I can take some time off from watching the TV all the time. I am sitting in Matt's Room right now with a host of friends being loud and having intersting conversations about an upcoming Cinco De Mayo celebration. I am glad we are still young enough to have fun. I however, do have to wrok in one hor :( Hey we all make sacrifices.