hi

I called Abbey today too, only to get a recorded message. I would love to see her soon

I have been off line for quite some time, but xmas break is here and I am back for now. I called GIn today, but she was far too busy to talk. I have finals this week and am striking out with girls left and right. And I saw matt's penis. Oh my! A new low for the rat's nest

Well it has been awhile. After enduring the start of my senior year of college and the recent Terrorist attacks on america, I have come bearing news. Stuff has happened this past week that I suppose merits talks. I have avoided publishcation in light of hte attacks partly b/c i wasn't sure what to say and partly b/c I knew noone would be listening. Recently I bought my father hockey tickets to see the blues/red wongs in really good seats. I am excited about that. Also I saw Ben Folds perform in late sept. and am about to get the new Ben folds Five DVD. I also got hte godfather trilogy on DVD and have attended class on a semiregular basis. I am still at Osco and don't see much of a point in lookin for another job. I am in a stall right now I don't care about anything but gettin by. Sorry to anyone whose email I haven't gotten back to. In more current news yesterday a Tornado touched down about 200 yards from my house. I was in the house at the time but had no inclination that anything was wrong. I could have literally looked out my back door and seen trees tearing down and stuff, but i was watching SNL instead. Oh well. Life can pass you by without warning. That is it for now later.

Well last night was Wesley Willis night in Springfield, MO. I must say it was rather interesting. I can also honestly say that I probably won't be seeing him "perform" and I use that term loosely, again. Let's just say that between him taking off his shirt and the twenty plus minutes of "suck a ( )'s dick and Lick a ( )'s booty hole/ass" song's I was ready to go. I am glad for the experience because Mr. Willis has inspired such things as the name of our house, The Rat's Nest, and the name of Matt's band, Rock Over London. So for that I tip my hat at Wesley, and the fact that they actually let him play venues. On a lighter note, I suppose I am a mad chick magnet at Osco these days. All the girls have crushes on me I'm told. One in particular strikes me as funny b/c I haven't said more than two words to her ever. I guess that goes to show you that the more I actually talk to a girl the more they realize I would make a better FRIEND. piss on that. I haven't talked to Abbey since her dis on Sunday and I am sorta lookin forward to callin her tonight, although I know it will be in the back of my head that she isn't interested. Money sux and it looks as though I am locked into the ROL show in a few weeks. touring the country baby!!! Message board comments.

well I think that Abbey is out of the picture romantically. She never did quite show as much interest as I would have hoped, but that is my life. She blew me off today. I had a feeling she would, but I suppose it is better this way. I guess I am not ready for a girlfriend right now. School starts tommorow and this will prove interesting. I will once again become a shy and timid student like I was before. now that all my housemates are home I really have noone that reads this and I am sure I will slink into a life that noone notices. Does that sound suicidal? well it's not. I am just sad about a lot of things. girls, money, future...man what am I going to do????

The computer situation is crappy right now. I don't have one. Ryan McCoy swept thru Springfield this week to stay and has been rearranging the house to suit his needs. Consequently he has rerouted the internet so it reaches his room and Jake's room. This presents a problem for me who is used to using Matt's computer. It is still in the dining room and there is no more hook up there. So now I am forced to use Ryan's MAC until matt gets back into town. I really wish I could afford a computer, but in the overall scheme ofthings I would rather have a new car, a desk, and a rug. I can live without this faceless entity to type to day in and day out.

I really don't have anything to say, but I didn't want to go to sleep just yet. I didn't do anyhting after work tonite. I watchedthe Trading Spaces marathon on TLC. I still love my little ITC ripoff, but noone else has said anything, oh well. It is the little things that amuse me. I am poor. I know I probably say that alot but there are certain things that I would like to get to make my life seem better. For instance, hup caps, a rug for my room, a desk for my room, wall tubing for my surround sound speakers, my power steering on my car fixed. I could probably think of a millions things. How pathetic is that ??? Oh well, I am not unhappy, but every little bit helps. I guess that is really all I have to say right now, so on that note I will say good night. bye the way I am typing this using all the proper fingers that I learned in typing class, it is harder than I remember. hehe, I will talk to you all later

you know how certain people, strangers, can just stand uncomfortably close when they try to talk to you? I know you all know what I am talkin about, it has happened to everyone. Well I saw it happen today right in front of me in line at the bank. You notice things easier when you are a third person. Also today when I went in to get my paycheck there was a girl working who wasn't 21 and couldn't ring up alcohol. She has two kids and still can't legally drink, but that is besides the point. I told her I would ring up this huge liquor purchase that was like $124. She called me selfless! I don't know if I would define selling an extraordinary amount of wild turkey and milwaukee's best to an old couple as selfless, but oh well, it made me laugh.....

I know I have put off writing this but I wasn't sure what to say. This past weekend I went to OKC to visit my roommate Ryan. He turned 21 and wanted me to come down and see the sights. So I did, being the good roommate that I am. We went to Bricktown, visited a bar, wherein we found people twice our age so we drank one beer and left. We went to the bombing memorial, which was quite touching and got me thinking back to 1995 when it all happened. We also got some shots for the long awaited Ian Propaganda film "For your Eyes only" this was filmed at the wonderful Myriad Gardens in downtown OKC. I also got a flat tire on the way home while I was in Tulsa, go figure..Other than that the rest of the week has been spent working and trying to talk to abbey. I did manage to get a hold of her twice this week and she had visitors both times so we didn't get to talk too terribly long, which incidentally was probably a good thing seeing as how I am getting the feeling that i am repeating myself whne i talk to her simply b/c nothing is going on in my life! I did however express the desire to see her more and she humbly replied " you can drop by anytime you want...just call first" I suppose for now that will suffice. I don't want her to think I am a shlock or anything, which she most definately will if she ever gets around to reading this blog. those who read must message board comments access to the right....

The long awaited Dinner With Abbey story. Well it goes something like this. That girl has got to know that I have a thing for her. I had wine, I had a candle, I made a wonderful italian chicken and pasta dish that was phenomenal, even by my standards. I served salad and bread sticks to boot. I thought we had great dinner conversation becasue she even commented that it was taking her longer to eat than normal because we were talking. After dinner, I invited her to stay and watch "When Harry Met Sally" a rousing tale about how to make two lovers of friends. I thought at this point I was a shoe in. Although I had to persuade her to stay she did. I sat fairly close to her although we were on the larger couch ( an obvious error in hindsight) I touched her neck at one point and her arm once or twice. I know it may sound lame that I know all the times I made casual contact with her, but that kind of touching is important in a relationship. I thought for sure a few times after the movie that I was going to tell her how I felt, but it ended up that she was showing me yoga moves and I didn't find an in. So basically I wussed out on telling her my feelings. After the movie she stayed for somewhere between a half hour to an hour talking to me about stuff and then she finally had to go. She said she had to go once before but stayed for quite a bit after that. If she knew that I was digging her she didn't let on. I finally managed to mustard up the following : "We do need to do things like this more often" and to this she replied, "You can make me dinner anytime you want." I walked her to the door feeling a void in my chest for having not said anything more and then SHE hugged me goodbye. Sure I held on a little longer than neccesary, but I have it bad for this girl. That was that I excahnged a few more bits of conversation as she walked to her car and told her that I would call her when I got back into town from OKC. she agreed and I went inside. I was physically and verbally upset for having not revealed my true feeling to her. one would think she would have figured it out by now after the pottery thing and a home cooked meal. I suspect she isn't into me romantically and doesn't have the heart to tell me. I attributed my unwillingness to share my feelings with her to the fact that my father worked the graveyard shift when i was a kid. I even considered calling her that night and telling her that. She my dad really wasn't a big part of my life until High school when my parents got divorced and I fear all the time I spent with my mom made me fearful and sensitive. I just didn't have the guts to come right out and tell her how i felt because I didn't have a strong father figure. go figure....message board your comments.

Lately it seems my life has been saturated with love. Love, something which it seems I know nothing of. My mother is getting remarried. My roommates, two of count seem to have found a love of sorts in there own ways. I have a date with destiny tommorow night and fear for its outcome. My heart wants one thing and my hands, the giver of my pleasure and thoughts that are my writings, hurt. It means that i have feelings so strong that I know not what to do. Maybe it is possible to be happy even among the greatest adversity. I just finished watching Shakesphere in Love and there was certainly a forbidden love there. Jake knows all about it. And who the hell am I to say what is the way it should be. I am just an unexperienced letch. I went to Osco today to purchase the wine for my dinner plans tommorow and a few of the women at work laughed at me, I suppose I looked too young to be making such a grown-up purchase. I suppose maybe I am, in my own way. My brother too knows of love it seems. He is living with his muse. I linked his site to my Blog so he can finally get alittle more attention. I am urging him to update it more frequently. Go check out his web page and offer him suggestions. That is all I have for now.

hi

It has come to my attention that when I do my blog it is filling with sorry self-absorbed thoughts. To some, or perhpas just one, it comes across as trite and boring. I mean who cares what I think anyways? hehe. At any rate I will do my best to write more about what happens around that all the lovely people out there miss out on. One thing would be the unsaid tension that exists between me and my roommate right now, while he may not know it is there, it is. He will probably read this at some point, but oh well. Today at Osco I worked with Alicia. She is a nice girl, pretty too. I was never totally convinced I could ever be in a relationship with her. I mean I am attracted to her, but I just knew deep down that it would never work. I just may be right. Shaun, another employee of mine told me a riviting story about how Alicia came over to his house and started "sending signals" if you will, whatever that means. Regardless she then proceeded to tell me that she didn't like him that way and was afraid he liked her. She is a tease. I knew it. She's cool though, I just know to stay away from her :) I worked in the liquor department at work today for 3 hrs b/c I guess we were short? It was very very quiet up there and I basically had nothing to do. I read the tabloids and did a word search, but htat isn't the story. The story is about an older gentleman who came in asking for a 1/2 pint of vodka. At first I just thought that he was more privy to the bottle than you or I, as most older folks are, but upon firther investigation I realized that this man was probably homeless, not to mention a loon. I felt bad for him as he rambled on about how cops hate war vets and how they would pour his liqour out if he was spotted by them. I felt bad, but the kicker is I didn't have the heart to tell him that I shouldn't sell the vodka to him. I sold him two small bottles of hard liqour and he left to drink himself into a stuper. I felt horrible. I felt like somehow I was contributing to the worst things in america, alcoholism and homelessness. It kinda put my whole life and how I have been living it into perspective. Maybe I am not being the best person I can be. Maybe I am thinking with my penis even more than Jake. Maybe I sin just a bit more than I should. It just makes me sad that an old insane gunmen in lord knows what war was the only thing to make me realize this. It is truely a twisted world......message board your thoughts.