Give me a kiss to build a dream on....

Two things tonight. One, Money. I have been slowly and I repeat slowly making my way through Walden Pond. Namely the chapter on Economy, which haha is the first chapter. It is providing glorious insight on money and material things. I am looking at food and shelter in whole new ways. I mean, just for example, a roof over our heads used to be to keep out rain and winter and now it is to keep in privacy above all....strange how things change. What is neccesary and what is not. Currently I find myself in a position that I am no stranger to, and that is a lack of resources to accomodate my idea of life. I have not the required amount of money to pay my bills this month and while it is extinuating circumtances, I fear I will always be one step behind, sigh. I want more than I am trying after. What is neccesary and what is not? Two, for the longest time the only thing that I ever felt I truly NEEDED was someone to love. someone to have and to hold, blah. This is still true, alas. I just finished watching a French film called, "Jeux d'enfants" or Love me if you Dare. While extremely morbid and a bit off kilter, I found the essence, true love, to be left ringing in my ears. I want you. It scares me at the same time. I am afraid that every encounter I am going to ruin and I will never have you. I hope that I can find what I am looking for and in a way that I don't have to compromise for it. ah. Kristin is next to see who I am.....I just hope I can afford to take her out. gosh.

Today's key words are Infatuation and Time. Over time an infatuation can become stronger, to the point where it becomes dangerous. I used to be infatuated by Abbey, but overtime as it grew stronger and stronger and I lost more and more control of myself, it just faded away. This is probably preferable to stalking the other person or something worse, but then again I wonder if all the time I spent infatuated with Abbey is now wasted and that is time i will never see again. Eh.
I am infatuated with a woman I met a few weekends ago who didn't call me back. Similar to hot rachel, I hung out with her one night and now want her with my entire being. however, over time maybe this too will turn into nothing. When will the time come that an infatuation of mine will turn onto a budding relationship that will actually make me happy? What would I do then? hehe. I would probably freak out and eff it up. But I bet I would have a good time doing it. Ok so Abbey failed to call me back twice in a row. I can understand that, I am sure I have been a taxing friendship for her. I still love her. Now as for Kris, I will call her again on my break tonight, I have nothing to lose. Nothing.

see me smiling?