Oh I almost forgot. I saw an SUV drive up onto the curb to let an ambulance go through a turn lane. I was impressed at the person's devoting to saving lives. That is the kind of stuff that pays off in the long run.

Well well. Today was good. The best part was seeing Abbey. Just when I think things are bad, she brings me back up with her charming smile and witty retort. She is amazing and sexy as hell! On a much more recent note, I told Beth my unquestionable desire to be with her and she in unabated fashion told me that I was "too perfect to date" and while I couldn't sense a hint of sarcasm in that statement, I felt it needed to be there. I am cursed with the good fortune to have truely lovely girls by my side, all of whom are dearest friends and nothing more! Surprisingly I took it well, not letting the flowery rejection get me down. I was simply puzzled. I thought that girls were on the lookout for the perfect guy , it seems that this is not the case. At least I gave it a shot...for whatever that is worth?

I feel so much pressure today about where my life is going. I was reading this article about feral surfers in some remote island that went there to get away from life and surf all day long. This seems more and more like the life for me. I don't see myself having a career right now and I know that is probably normal, I just have really high expectations for myself and no drive. For awhile I thought Abbey shared in my desire to move away, but more and more I see that she would never do it. She is locked into a life that more or less doesn't include a romantic involvement. I think every girl i meet after her i will be compromising because I found her so great. If anyone is in utter anticipation, I did not talk to Bonnie, someone died, surprise suprise.

I am going to call Bonnie here in a minute. I hope she sounds hot :)

I talked to Bonnie on the net last night and I reinforced the idea that I will not subject myself to competing for a girls attention. If Abbey doesn't want to spend time with me, then I am not going to make her. Of course if we were together and there was another guy I would no doubt say something, but considering that I told her how I felt and was met with an oh so casual response of "let's leave things the way they are" I am holding firm to my ideal. It is done. I will no longer ask her to do anything in advance unless I feel very comfortable that she is ready and willing. I hope I can not think about it any further with the kind of anguish that I have felt this week.

For some stupid reason I am insanely jealous of Abbey having dinner with that Daniel guy last nite. I am sure that nothing happened and even if something had happened, it isn't like I'm DATING her. I guess I just know his intentions and he is better looking than me, I don't know. Should I say something to her? Find out if she is starting to like him? If she says yes it will crush me, if she says I don't know that will probably crush me too, it implies that she is at least considering it. AAAHHHH She is invading my head and I hate it. Why can't I be that guy that girls are empirically attractted to and then it wouldn't be a problem b/c Abbey and I would be together then. BOO Hiss for random feelings and thoughts about a girl who just isn't on the same page as far as feelings go.

So here is the deal. I still really like Abbey, but things inside me have been telling me to look into Ginny again, maybe it is just that same old pattern I always fall back to. I am thinking about going to her daughter's birthday party in KC june 15th in the afternoon. I would still drive back for anything assocaited with candice's birthday too.

I am tired and I will now sleep

The New Blog is here and working I hope

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